


Coming Out

by starlightsongs



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluffy Ending, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-25 20:44:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16205321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightsongs/pseuds/starlightsongs
Summary: "A confession is exactly that: a confession. Its significance and impact will always be held at a greater value than its context and significance." Misaki has a lot of feelings following Hello, Happy World's wild goose chase of the phantom thief. But they're not quite the emotions she was expecting, prompting her to look inwards and be more honest with herself.





	Coming Out

“A confession is exactly that: a confession. Its significance and impact will always be held at a greater value than its context and significance.”

* * *

 

Misaki Okusawa stared up at the hazy sky that shone above her. This evening, the clouds seemed to move at a slower pace, unhurried and taking their precious time to make their way to the other side. She found herself lost in their trance-like nature, struggling to understand the thoughts of her own.

More than anything, she was exhausted. She had spent her entire night with her fellow bandmates of Hello, Happy World! trying to solve the case of the cruise’s phantom thief. As much as she often admired Kokoro’s vast imagination and creativity, she was not always on board with the wild adventures. Upon first thoughts of “cruise”, she had pictured a nice, picturesque boat ride that allowed for peaceful small talk with friends. A wild goose chase after a particularly obvious and flirtatious suspect had been the last thing she’d wanted.

She also wasn’t sure if she had wanted these indescribable feelings that followed.

 _Buzz_.

“Hey, Misaki!! I hope you don't mind…I wanted to check in with you…can we talk?”

Misaki sighed upon the text message from Kanon. She knew exactly why she was messaging and didn’t have a clear answer. How was she supposed to respond?

“Oh, hey! I was just about to take a shower. :) Later?”

Hitting the send button, she breathed a sigh of relief, knowing she had escaped what could’ve been an awkward situation.

Though, she knew she couldn’t be doing this forever.

She stared again at the sky, reflecting on the situation.

_U-umm…my beautiful princess… I-I love… you…_

In that moment, more than anything else she had wanted to yell at Kaoru. How dare she put her in such a pressured environment like that? Expressing love? Acting? Sure, that was something that was easy for the acting expert herself. For Misaki, it was torture.

_Ugh…hmm…ever since the first day I saw you…my heart has been yours_

In an effort to make her act seem more convincing, she had looked into Kanon’s eyes. Except that she had noticed an expression – one she had never seen her doe-eyed friend ever make. She couldn’t find the words to describe it, except that it had fallen between one of surprise and delight. Misaki didn’t understand why: her words were sloppy, choppy, and overall just…embarrassing. Even the baka trio could detect as much. She had backtracked on the movie-esque lines and aimed for something more authentic.

 _You are always on my mind. I-I just love you_.

And as soon as the words slipped from her mouth, it was as if an alarm in her brain had been set off. Something felt so...wrong about the situation – something other than the fact that it was completely humiliating. And yet…there was a part of it that felt cathartic.

She remembered the first day she encountered her now close friend. She always looked up to her, thinking fondly of her upperclassman. Though she was sometimes clumsy, and had trouble finding her way around, she had a certain charm that Misaki adored. She couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly what it was, but it shone through most when the girl discussed her love for jellyfish, or her thankfulness for Kokoro and Hello, Happy World! A strong and passionate drummer, she was so much more than what her unknowing classmates would typecast her as.  Misaki absolutely loved that.

 _Buzz_.

“Oh, okay!! If you don’t mind… I was actually hoping we could speak tonight. Do you think you’ll be ready in about 10 minutes or so? It’s kinda important...”

And thus Misaki proceeded to do what she did best: panic.

Before getting involved in the band’s madness, she had felt an overwhelming need to protect Kanon, often seeing herself as the more assertive of the two. Over time, she had begun to realize that it had actually been the opposite. After all, would she have even stayed in the wonderfulness that is Hello, Happy World! had it not been for Kanon’s refusal to leave? Kanon was a pro at persuasiveness, it’s just that she often disguised it behind words of consideration such as “you don’t have to” or “if you’d like”.

And now Misaki had no choice but to give her own input without the luxury of time or contemplation.

“Of course. I’m here for you.”

She responded rapidly. Her heart raced as she stared intently at the screen, anxious for a reply. Upon sight of the familiar smiling emoji, she closed her eyes.

What was she going to do?

Misaki Okusawa had always considered her feelings towards Kanon Matsubara to be admiration. Nothing more, nothing less. But tonight…something had happened.

It had started when Kaoru Seta swept the damsel in distress off of her feet.

Misaki, unlike Kokoro and Hagumi, knew immediately that Kanon wasn’t in any form of danger. The Shakespeare-loving dimwit didn’t particularly care for evil-doings, and even if she did, she’d probably screw up any sort of threatening manner she had with her excessive usage of the word “fleeting”. The only thing intimidating about the theater king was her ability to attract as many girls as she pleased and acquire her own distinguished lesbian harem.

Yet Misaki had felt panicked. Concerned. Worried for her friend.

But…it’s not like anything bad was going to happen to Kanon. Kaoru may have a flirtatious personality, but Misaki knew that she’s a firm believer in consent. And Kanon didn’t have feelings for Kaoru.

…Or did she? And if so, what difference did it make to Misaki?

As the evening progressed, it started to feel as if Kaoru could read her thoughts. For someone who couldn’t comprehend the fact that Michelle wasn’t actually a real bear, she somehow managed to sense this inner conflict within her, even before Misaki herself did. Kaoru had wasted no time to draw attention to it, calling on her to do just about _anything_ to stop the charades.

And that _anything_ includes none other than confessing your love to your best friend.

If this evening hadn’t happened, Misaki would have never questioned her thoughts for Kanon otherwise. She could’ve gone her whole life being ignorant of the fact that she felt like every moment with her brightened her day. That if Kanon had ever wanted their friendship to be more than what it was, she would willingly give in without hesitation. That she would follow her, wherever she decided to go, and support her in her future endeavors. And that she dreaded the eventual day of graduation, where she feared would no longer have her rock, her reliable companion to keep not only the band in check, but her personal mental stability.

Misaki had never even thought she was capable of falling in love. She had always sat at the school desk, listening as her classmates nearby discussed their crushes openly. She never could relate to their feelings of heart-pounding and desire for romance. After all, it didn’t matter. There was no hope for someone like her, who found it hard to find beauty in such a cruel world. Why _should_ she care about finding a love interest when there’s so much war and hatred?

Misaki had always been known as the “Debby Downer” of each social situation she’d been put in. But she just saw the world how it was. The beloved _Romeo and Juliet_ wasn’t romantic: the two committed suicide. Her mom and dad, who seemed like the perfect couple on the outside, fought often but couldn’t afford the divorce. In keeping up with global news, she stumbled upon cases of sexual assault that have yet to be treated, the victims blamed for coming forward with the truth. LGBTQ+ individuals killed for loving the person of their dreams because it doesn’t align with society’s standard. Misaki swore never to get involved in this nonsense, for she had no reason to and she’d come out of it heartbroken, if anything.

It was when she joined Hello, Happy World! that her perspective started to change. The band showed her that she did not have to always see the world through a pair of grey, foggy glasses. When they performed for the children’s hospital, a true miracle had happened: the five of them had helped a girl find the strength to walk again. The experience proved that she _could_ do the impossible and make at least a part of the world smile. What had once seemed as an utter parade of nonsense suddenly had more meaning to it. Kokoro Tsurumaki, who everyone, including Misaki, had viewed as that crazy, rich kid whose ideas were too much to handle, held more meaning behind her actions. She created Hello, Happy World! not just to make others happy, but to help others find the strength they needed within themselves to be happy.

For Misaki, that meant finding the strength to love. Purely and unconditionally.

She thought about her role as Michelle, and how comfortable she had started to feel being behind that fursuit, where only the other band members knew it was her. Of course, she still hated the fact that the baka trio refused to believe she was Michelle, and found it exhausting trying to switch between the two personalities, but being in Michelle gave her the ability to be a freer version of herself. She couldn’t afford _not_ to be happy because she was a pink fluffy bear that children loved.  She hoped that one day the two identities could intersect, that maybe the baka trio could sense that she’s been the one in the bear suit this entire time. But of course, none of that mattered more than the fact that someone already knew. And saw right through her the way no one else ever had.

Kanon.

She knew that she could no longer deny the heart-throbbing sensation she felt on that stage, confessing to Kanon. She could no longer deny the nights she’d return home after spending time with her, feeling as if there were words that needed to be said. She could no longer pretend that she didn’t spend some of those nights googling for answers, wanting to know what this feeling felt like and rolling her eyes at every answer that said “love”. She could no longer deny how happy she felt to be in Kanon’s presence, how genuinely touched she felt after every conversation. She wanted every day of her life to be with Kanon, and had once thought it was just feelings of friendship, nothing more or less than that.

How foolish.

But tonight was going to change that. She was going to confess.

Well…confess again, technically.

Just like that day in the park how she had expressed to a staff member feelings of wanting to come out from behind the shadows, to be a more honest with herself.

She was really going to do it. She was going to come out.

Once again, Hello, Happy World! Had succeeded in altering her once boring, day-to-day routine. If all went well, she’d have to thank her bandmates for the integral part in the process. Her classmates may see them as fools or crazy, but Misaki knew who they really were: wonderful people with a mission to make the world a happier place.

Misaki stopped dead in her tracks, catching her thoughts.

 _If all went well_.

Perhaps Kokoro had influenced her a bit too much. Her anxiety resurfaced.

What if Kanon _didn’t_ like her back? What if she only saw her as a friend? What if she didn’t like girls? What if tonight had actually ruined everything…then what?

She stared at the clock on her phone. It had only been 8 minutes since Kanon had texted, but Misaki knew that if she wasted anymore time, she would be stuck in an endless cycle of negative thoughts and concerns. After all, the possibilities were endless. She turned towards the window, looking at the clouds again. They continued to move slowly, as if time were frozen. Misaki knew that endless days were one in a million, and she had to take charge in this one before it passed.

Without thinking, she impulsively hit the call button.

Immediately upon the dial tone, her throat clenched up. She tried to breathe slow, deep breaths, though they all sounded like heaving sighs of discomfort. Her heart raced as she tried to shush the worried questions that circled her mind.

_Are you crazy? She probably doesn’t like you back. Hell, you don’t even know for sure if you like her! What if it’s just Kaoru and her crazy ideas of love impacting you?Are you sure that you know what you’re doing?_

The phone stopped ringing. Misaki breathed.

"H-Hello? Misaki-chan?”

_I don’t know what I’m doing, but it’s better than doing nothing._

“K-Kanon…san…” She stumbled upon her words, her consciousness and anxiety arguing over whether she should confess or hang up. 

“Misaki-chan! I’m so happy you called. Listen…about what happened tonight-”

“-I know.” Misaki jumped in, impatient to set the boiling feelings in her chest free.

“F-Fuee?? You know…?”

“That you want to talk about the confession, yes.”

“W-well…u-um…yeah…” Kanon stammered, her voice sounding surprised by Misaki’s sharpness in response.

Misaki inhaled.

“Listen, Misaki…I know the phantom thief just staged it and all but…that confession-”

“-Has truth to it.” Misaki interrupted, unable to hold back any longer.

It was time.

“Kanon…you mean a lot to me, okay? I know you don’t think that you do but your presence gives me so much happiness. I find myself wanting to spend every minute with you, going on a new adventure with you, just… _being there for you_ through thick and thin regardless of how tough it gets.”

Misaki paused before continuing, as if waiting for a response. When Kanon didn’t give one, she kept going.

“This… really isn’t easy for me to say but…I-I like you, okay? I’ve always had I just…didn’t realize I had. It was because of you that I decided to stay in the band, and you’ve just…showed me so much happiness that I didn’t know I was capable of. Y-you know how Kokoro wants to make the world smile? I…want to too. And… as cheesy as it sounds…you’re a big part of my world…”

Feeling her face go hot, she knew she had to wrap this up.

“S-so! U-umm…yeah? I-I just love you, okay? D-do you…feel the same way about me?”

 Misaki exhaled, feeling as if a giant burden has been lifted from her shoulders, a pent-up bottle of tension now opened and set free from her soul. But in their respective places lay a sense of emptiness, a sense of concern, and a heart pounding even faster than it had before making the phone call. The anticipation sucked, and ate the grey-eyed girl alive as she waited for her friend’s, if she could still call her that, response.

Moments of silence passed, leaving Misaki in a state of distress. Then suddenly, she heard the sound of sniffling.

Oh no.

Oh no oh no oh no. 

Misaki had not prepared herself for this type of response. She held her breath.

“K-Kanon…san?” She asked softly. “Are you crying?”

The breath was let go upon hearing a soft giggle from the other end of the line.

“That confession…Misaki… I…that’s honestly the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. Y-you really outdid yourself!” She exclaimed passionately. Misaki frowned as she sat impatient. Of course she was happy about Kanon’s praise, but it didn’t provide any answer to her burning question.

“You know what, Misaki? That phantom thief would be really proud of you.”

“S-stop that! You didn't even answer the question, how am I supposed to respond to that?”

Kanon laughed yet again, leaving Misaki further confused.

“Why do you keep laughing? Are you mocking me?” She asked, suddenly wishing she could swallow her words back up.

“N-no, of course not! I genuinely thought your confession was touching and sweet…I am really, truly in awe of it,” The cotton-candy-blue-haired girl started.

“It’s just that…when I texted you…I kind of thought… _I’d_ be the one confessing…”

…What?

The statement startled her. Kanon had been thinking about confessing to her first?

No way.

Could it possibly be? Did…did that mean…?

“Misaki-chan…you’re not the most…what’s the word… _aware_ person when it comes to self-perception…” Kanon stated.

Huh?

Sharing her uttermost deep emotions… and _this_ is what she got as a follow-up? Criticism? This moment was probably the _most_ self-aware she could’ve been too. Misaki rolled her eyes.

“Gee, thanks, Kanon. That really makes me feel good about myself.”

“N-no! Fuee…I didn’t mean it like that!” Kanon stammered, looking for a way to rephrase her sentence.

“It’s just that… you don’t always express yourself so honestly, so I’m really happy that you were able to tonight. I never expected it from you… and you really surprised me…in a good way, of course!” Kanon reaffirmed, waiting for Misaki to respond. Misaki decided to let her finish.

“Which leads me to my more important point, is that ever since you’ve joined Hello, Happy World! you’ve really grown as a person. You inspire me everyday with your willingness to be Michelle for everyone, and create the songs that we all play to! You don’t say it often…but I know you always look out for our best interests, particularly mine, and…I’m always so grateful for that,” She continued, sniffling as she spoke.

“And to answer your question…a life spent by your side everyday…would also be the kind of life I’d like to live. I love seeing your smile, and I hope I get to see it more often. You’re really precious to me too…I know you don’t think you’re much but, you’re special, Misaki-chan.”

Kanon paused.

“I like you too… I like you so much, Misaki-chan.”

Misaki breathed a sigh of relief. Her muscles eased, and her heart fluttered with a new feeling of infatuation. Her feelings were no longer a sense of nervousness, but now they were confirmed, and that within itself provided her with a sense of a happy-calm that she didn’t know she could ever feel.

And it felt blissful.

“G-great! Absolutely f-fantastic! Yay! Uh…s-so…where does that leave us…” Misaki stammered awkwardly, not knowing how else to respond. Kanon responded with a “hmm” sound, similarly unprepared for the conversation to take the direction it had.

“Maybe…let’s meet tomorrow night? Netflix and chill, perhaps?”

Misaki’s face flushed.

“Kanon!” She nearly yelled in complete surprise.

“F-Fuee? What is it?”

“T-that’s too fast!”  
“Huh? What is?”

Misaki backtracked, suddenly remembering Kanon didn’t have the best recollection of what popular phrases meant.

“…What do you think ‘Netflix and Chill’ means?”

“Uh…is there something more to it? I saw it on the internet… I thought it’s when couples watch a romantic comedy together and then just hang out and chat. Is that…not it?”

Misaki stifled a laugh. The girl was sometimes too pure for her own good.

“Kanon-san, the ‘chill’ part is slang for sex.”

“Wh-What? Why? Ah… Fuee…that’s not what I meant! Misaki-chan… help me…” Kanon stammered, it now being her turn to be flustered. Misaki sighed. Typical.

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Let’s meet tomorrow after practice. We’ll…go to that favorite aquarium of yours. My treat! And we can look at the jellyfish for as long as you’d like,” Misaki offered, hoping to shift the direction of the conversation. She could’ve sworn she saw Kanon’s eyes light up, even from the other end of the phone line.

“R-really? You mean it?”

“Absolutely.”

They both shared a laugh, confirming the plans were a “yes” on both ends, and thus setting them in stone.

“Wow…my first ever date…” Misaki trailed off, not knowing how to comprehend it.

“Mine too!” Kanon piped in, her voice filled with a cheer.

“By the way…” The purple-eyed girl continued.

“If we’re meeting after practice, does that mean you’ll have to change out of Michelle?”

Misaki furrowed her eyebrows, not knowing what to make of this question.

“Um…yeah…why do you ask?”  
“That black tank top you wear shows off your toned muscles really well~”

Again, Misaki felt her face flush.

 “K-Kanon!  C-Cut that out!”

“Sorry~ I guess… I’m just so happy that I can be fully honest with you now.”

 Misaki let that last thought sink in for a bit.

“Yeah…I guess you’re right…maybe this does let us be more open now…” She trailed off, realizing just how much tonight had been a blessing. She turned towards the window, where she noticed that the sky’s once drifting clouds had cleared, revealing an array of sparkling stars.

“Hey listen, I’m feeling sleepy so I’m gonna go to bed,” Misaki admitted, knowing that even though she’d love to talk to Kanon until the sun rose, they both needed rest for their date the next day.

Gosh, date. The word within itself filled Misaki with a warm, fuzzy feeling.                                                                                                                        

“Okie dokie, sleep well, Misaki-chan!”

“You too, princess,” She responded, mocking her role in this evening’s activities. Except that this time it truly felt genuine. She heard her girlfriend giggle at the pet name from the other end of the line, and knew that it was her cue to end the call.

After properly hanging up, Misaki walked up closer to the window to get a look at the now shining stars. She was never one to wish upon them, nor believe in their magic, but tonight…felt like a magical adventure within itself. She wished for more opportunities like this one, more opportunities that she would be blessed to know how truly wonderful it is to be alive.

Turning off the lights, she plopped onto her bed, staring at the ceiling. Could she have ever gotten to a situation like this had it not been for the band? She knew that one day she was going to come out again and tell all of Hello, Happy World! that she loved them too. They’ve helped her grow in ways she could’ve never imagined, and it was the least she could do. She determined that it’d be the next step she’d take in becoming more open and honest with herself and her surroundings.

“Goodnight, Happy World,” she muttered aloud.

If the world were ever capable of having the ability to speak, Misaki liked to think that it’d be saying “goodnight” back.


End file.
